omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i have two assholes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
