drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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