i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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