So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
