mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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