ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
