Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
