My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
