Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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