She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
