i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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