So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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