Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
