in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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