I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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