I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
