last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Floor bacon is actually really good
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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