I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i came on her dog
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
