just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
