i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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