it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
