hotel room ftw
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When are your genitals available?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
