Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
