Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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