I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
