No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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