Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
