Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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