just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
