I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
