I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
