instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
