That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
