why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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