So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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