Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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