I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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