drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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