Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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