Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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