I will die if light touches me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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