I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize