I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
