There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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