we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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