I wannas sexs uuuuu
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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