if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
