I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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