it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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