the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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