im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm really busy with my period
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