true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
