are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
