so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
