I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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