I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
