i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
