Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
