Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
