Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
