Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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