everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
