I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
