Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
