im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
