Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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