did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
be right there i have to get my cape
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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