my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
