Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
