Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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