I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
