That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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